At the start of 2016, something huge happened!!! No, I haven't gotten that multi-million dollar TV/Movie deal (Yet) or won millions in the lottery. Its much more fullfilling than that...It's a spiritual. I've know God for as far back as I can remember. But I've never felt as close to him as I do today.
In January, I had my yearly check up. And the one thing that became apparent was how much weight I had gained. I was disgusted at how I had let myself go. I felt like throwing up right there in the Doctors office. Instead I decided to listen to my doctor and me some drastic life changes.
The changes we agree on included what I ate, how much I ate, when I ate and to start moving/exericising. Believe it or not, I was once an athlete. Yep, I played High School & College Basketball. I was actually pretty good. I know what it feels like to be in shape.
At the same time I was forced to look in the mirror. Asking myself, "What was it that was causing me to over indugle in food? In other words, "What was eating me? I was faced with a moment of clarity, Why was I killing myself with food? Why was I responding to life's challenges by emotionally eating? No one had a gun to my head making me eat unhealthy. So, why was I making bad eating choices?
Talk about a AaaAhh moment...Standing there at that very moment, I had to accept who I was. And yes, I am God's beautiful black daughter, with gifts and talents tucked away...hidding behind all of the weight. Three hundred and thirty pounds of unwanted, unhealthy, unattactive, depressing weight. Yuck!!
I believe in order for this to resonate with folks I gotta be real... So excuse me if this grosses you out. Being transparent is not always pretty but its necessary that you get the full picture.
God was waiting on me to become the person that lives behind the weight. I just needed to seek him for a now kind of faith, strenghten, courage, and clarity; to deal with the reality of not paying attention to health. You see as long as I could package myself up nicely (snatching it all together), making the outside look good. I thought I was ok. But what you didn't know was, I felt horrible on the inside. I blamed my "weight" on everything and everybody. Including things that didn't happen for me. in my mind, it was all because of my weight. I hated my weight. My weight became an excuse for me not to deal with my shortcomings.
Everything hurted! I had aches and pain, my hair was thinning, my skin was changing. I knew that there was something wrong with me. Through God's word I was provided with the spirit of truth. John 16:13 (NIV)13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. That truth was the defining moment that I needed to "take action".
I could not longer package the weight the same and I couldn't wish it away. I felt a shift and knew that I had to make the changes necessary to live. An change requires work as a decision implies action. So, I begin to change the food I ate. I watched the times I ate and how much. I would pray more intensely and I started meditating to hear the answers from my prayers. Meditating allows me to be still and listen for the voice of God. Its the sweetest sound.
Well, since that defining moment, I'm happy to report that I've lost 33 pounds.I believe lossing the weight is just a by product of what happens when you trust God's plan for my life and have the NOW kinda faith that he has supplied all your need.
Philippians 4:19 (NIV) And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
He's revealing more and more to me; about myself. I'm loving this journey and I hope that I've encouraged someone that has the same struggles.
Proverbs 3:6 (NIV) Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Ask God for guidance. Remeber, you're not waiting on God...God is waiting on you. Make the connection to whatever is weighing you down.